Variations in Relational Development

Keep in mind that Knapp’s model is a general overview, not a specific predic­tion. It describes what often happens in relationships, not what inevitably hap­pens. If partners understand the problems they are facing, if they have basic interpersonal skills and sensitivities, and if they care enough, they can repair problematic relationships by exploring alternative forms of re­lating; taking on more functional roles; eliminating unhealthy interaction pat­terns; or searching for new ways to make the relationship rewarding.

In real life, couples do not always go through the stages together. One partner may think the relationship is at the casual, experimenting stage, whereas the other may believe the partners are ready to bond. Or one partner may be so busy at the office that he or she doesn’t notice that the other partner is cir­cumscribing.

Furthermore, not all couples take the same length of time to complete the steps. Some couples are cautious and take a long time before risking commitment. Others rush through the early stages. This latter course is dangerous; if one of the early stages is skipped or rushed, later stages may be unstable, like a building constructed with a faulty founda­tion. For relationships to last, couples must work out agreements and develop healthy interaction patterns, processes that take time.