Vocabulary

positive affirmations – позитивные утверждения (установки)

phony – неискренний, фальшивый

closed posture – закрытая поза

to lean – наклоняться, сгибаться

frame of mind – расположение духа, настроение

judgment – (зд) критика

to inhibit – препятствовать, сдерживать

Most of today’s courses of positive thinking originate in America. Many start by advising you to try «positive affirmations» such as this one from Success Magazine. «Look in the mirror every morning and say to yourself «You are rare, unique and different. You were designed and engineered for success». Sounds embarrassing? Don’t forget that self-belief is crucial for success.

A pleasant smile is a strong indication of a friendly and open attitude and willingness to communicate. It’s a positive, nonverbal signal sent with the hope that the other person will smile back. When you smile, you demonstrate that you have noticed the person in a positive manner. The other person considers it a compliment and will usually feel good. The result? The other person will usually smile back. Smiling does not mean that you have to put on a phony face or pretend that you are happy all the time. But when you see someone you know, you are demonstrating an open attitude to conversation.

You might not realize that closed posture is the cause of many conversational problems. Typical closed posture is sitting with your legs crossed and your hand covering your mouth or chin. This is often called the «thinking pose», but just ask yourself this question: Are you going to interrupt someone who appears to be deep in thought? Without these receptive signals, another person will most likely avoid you and look for someone who appears to be more available for contact. To overcome this habitual way of standing or sitting start by keeping your hands away from your mouth, and keep your arms uncrossed. Crossed arms tend to indicate a defensive frame of mind, and thus one not particularly favorable to outside contact. They can also indicate impatience, displeasure, or judgment – any of which would discourage people from opening up. Open posture is most effective when you place yourself within communicating distance of the other person – that is, within about five feet. Take care, however, not to violate someone’s «personal space» by getting too close, too soon.

Leaning forward slightly while a person is talking to you indicates interest on your part and shows you are listening to what the person is saying. This is usually taken as a compliment by the other person, and will encourage him to continue talking.

Often people will lean back with their hands behind their head in the «thinking» pose. This posture gives off signals of judgment, skepticis; and boredom from the listener. Since most people do not feel comfortable when they think they are being judged*, this leaning – back posture tends to inhibit the speaker from continuing. It’s far better to lean forward slightly in a casual and natural way. By doing this, you are saying: «I hear what you’re saying, and I’m interested – keep talking!». This usually lets the other person feel that what he is saying is interesting, and encourages him to continue speaking.