Reading

The story describes the custom of arranged marriages in India. Search in the text for the answers to the following ques­tions.

a) Why do Indians still approve of arranged marriages?

b) What is a typical courting like?

From First Goes Marriage — Then, Maybe, Love

by Elisabeth Bumiller

Few areas separate the East more from the West than their attitudes toward love, marriage and sex.

In India sociologists estimate that 95 % of all mar­riages are still arranged, including the majority of those among the educated middle class. This is changing among the urban, Westernized elite, but not entirely.

An Indian man will still come home after years of dating European or American girls to marry someone he hardly knows. The Sunday newspapers continue to be filled with pages of matrimonial ads.

Many Indian college women still want their parents to find husbands for them and are so sure of the wisdom of their elders that some say yes to a prospective groom after a half-hour meeting.

The tradition survives in part because a new kind of ar­ranged marriage has emerged among the growing middle class, broadly estimated as 10 percent of India's 750 million people. It is particularly prevalent in the upper-middle class.

A generation ago, even among the richest families, a bride and groom rarely spoke to each other before the wedding. They had no veto power over their parents' choice, and if the mar­riage was miserable, so be it. But now couples are allowed to meet several times before making a decision, and a few can go out alone. Some engagements last six months and more. Women can reject the choice of their parents, and many do. This is considered a breakthrough.

Since most Indian teenagers are still not allowed to date, parents think their children will be unprepared to make choices of their own. The big parental fear is that a daughter will fall for the first man who comes along. This kind of passion is consid­ered dangerous.

In the Indian view, western marriages fail because of the in­evitable disappointment that sets in after the first few years of romantic love wear off. Most Indians believe true love is a more peaceful emotion, based on long-term commitment and devo­tion to family. Few in the West would quarrel with that. But Indi­ans also think they can "create" love between two people by ar­ranging the right condition for it, which is a marriage of common backgrounds and interests....

Hindu marriage is considered sacred, but in the ancient re­ligious texts it is based on the devotional worship of a wife for her husband, much like the love for a god. The two partners were not regarded as equals.

A woman lived her life through her husband and often died with him too, sometimes committing suttee by throwing herself on his funeral pyre. Suttee was outlawed in 1829, although there have been rare cases reported in recent years.

The Hindu religious tradition continues to have a strong hold on middle-class families today. Girls are told from child­hood that they will love the man their parents choose. Only in exceptional circumstances, like wife-beating, will a mother listen to a daughter's complaints about her husband.

Divorce between two Hindus has been legal only since 1955 and is still rare even among the urban elite. Since most women are still raised to be submissive, they usually say these rules suit them fine....

Arranged marriage is a perplexing custom in a country that has one of the world's richest traditions of love and passion.