How Other Nations Think in English

(for readers with nuts)

Here are some signs and notices written in English that were discovered throughout the world. You have to give the writers an 'E'for^[18] Effort. We hope you enjoy them.

(V.Pertsel at Weizmann Institute of Science Computation Center)

In a Tokyo bar:

Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts. Two signs from a shop in Majorka:

— English well speaking.

— Here speeching American. In a Tokyo hotel:

Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such a thing is please not to read notis.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:

The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In Leipzig elevator:

Do not enter lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In Paris hotel elevator:

Please leave your values at the front desk.

In аYugoslavian hotel:

The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel:

You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from an Orthodox monastery:

You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writes are buried daily except Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:

Not to perambulate the corridors during the hours of repose in boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:

Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

Outside Hong Kong tailor shop:

Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In Bangkok dry cleaners:

Drop your trousers here for best results.

In a Rhodes tailor shop (Greece):

Order you summers suit. Because is big rush we execute customers in strict rotation.

Л sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:

It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

In a Zurich hotel:

Because of the impropriety of entertaining guest of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

In a Rome laundry:

Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

In a Czech tourist agency:

Take one of our horse-driven city tours — we guarantee no miscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:

Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Bangkok temple:

It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:

We take your bags and send them in all directions.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:

Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a Budapest zoo:

Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it 10 the guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor:

Specialist in women and other diseases.

In an Acapulco hotel:

The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

In a Tokyo shop:

Our nylons (зд. колготки) cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.

Примечание:

Комический эффект, помимо воли незадачливых авторов, достигается из-за многозначности английских слов и неправильного их употребления, не говоря уже о «просто» ошибках, «кальках» с родного языка и элементарной неграмотности.