Билет №17

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MY MALADIES

There were four of us — George, and William Harris, and myself, and Montmorency. We were sitting in my room and talking about how bad we were — bad from a medical point of view, I mean, of course.

We were all feeling unwell, and we were quite nervous about it. Harris said he felt such extraordinary fits of giddiness come over him at times, that he hardly knew what he was doing; and then George said that he had fits of giddiness too, and hardly knew what he was doing. As for me, it was my liver that was out of order, I knew it was my liver that was out of order, because I had just been reading a patent liver-pill advertisement, in which were detailed the various symptoms by which a man could tell when his liver was out of order. I had them all.

I remember going to the British Museum library one day to read up the treatment for some slight ailment — hay fever, I think it was. I took the book and read all about it; and then, in an unthinking moment, I idly turned the leaves and began to study diseases, generally. I forgot which was the first, but before I had glanced half down the list of "premonitory symptoms",

I was sure that I had got it.

I sat for a while frozen with horror; and then in despair, I again turned over the pages.

I саmе to typhoid fever — read the symptoms — discovered that I had typhoid fever; turned up St. Vitus's Dance — found, as I expected, that I had that too — began to get interested in my case, so started alphabetically and learned that I was sickening for it, and that the acute stage would start in about a fortnight. Bright's disease,1 was glad to find, I had only in a modified form and, as for that, I might live for years. Cholera I had, with severe complications; and diphtheria I seemed to have been born with. I looked through the twenty-six letters, and the only malady I had not got was housemaid's knee.

After "Three Men in a Boat" by Jerome K. Jerome

2. Говорение.

Билет №18

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