The Trying Twenties

The trying twenties confront us with the question of how to live in the

adult world. Our focus shifts from the interior turmoils of late adoles­cence — «Who am I?», «What is truth?» — and we become almost totally preoccupied with working out the externals. «How can I realize my dreams?», «What is the best way to start?», «Where do I go?», «Who can Help me?», «How did you do this?»

In this period which is longer and more stable compared with the period that leads to it, the tasks are enormous: To shape a Dream, that vision of our­selves which will generate energy, aiiveness, and hope. To prepare for lifework. To find a mentor if possible. And to form capacity for intimacy, without losing in the process whatever the consistency of self we have thus far mastered-

Doing what we «should» is the most important theme of the twent ies. The «shoulds» are largely defined by family models, the press of culture'', or the views of our peers. If the prevailing cultural instructions are that one should get married and settle down behind one's own door, a nuclear fam­ily is born. If instead the peers insist that one should act independently, the 25-year-old is likely to have no commitments.

One of the terrifying aspects of the twenties is the inner belief that the choices we make are irrevocable. It is largely a false fear. Change is quite pos­sible, and some alternations of our original choices must probably be made.

Two impulses, as always, are at work. One is to build a firm, safe struc­ture for the future by making strong commitments, «to be set». Yet people who accept a ready-made form without much self-examination are likely to find themselves locked-in. The other urge is to explore and experiment, keeping any structure tentative and therefore easily changeable. In the extreme cases, these are people who constantly change jobs and acquain­tances, spending their twenties in the transient state.

Although the choices of our twenties are not irrevocable, they do s£t in motion a Life Pattern. Some of us follow the locked-in pattern, others the transient pattern, the wunderkind pattern, the caregiver pattern, and there ase. a. wimh^ oC sUo^v^ wftvvtw^t

questions raised for each person during each period.

Having powerful illusions and belief in the power of will, we commonly insist in our twenties that what we have chosen to do is the one true course in life. Our backs go up at any remark that we are like our parents, that two decades of parental training might be reflected in our current actions and attitudes.

«Not,me», is the motto, I'm different.

(After Gail Sheehy. «Passages». N.Y., 1974, pp. 200 -203)

XIV. Choose one of the problem-questions given below and speak on it. (Make use of the text in Ex. XIII:

1. What Life Pattern would you like to follow? What is this pattern char­acterized by?

2. Why do you prefer it to any other?

3. Would you like to follow the Life Pattern of your parent(s)? Why?

4. In what way are you different from your parents?

XV. Here are five annotations to books taken from different Book Cata­logues. All of them are in some way connected with the topic «Growth and Development». Look through them and say which one seems to be most interesting to you. Put them in order of preference and ex­plain your reasons: