Question: how should I cope with emotional stress

"I'm facing a difficult emotional situation right now, and I find myself stressing about it almost constantly. I try to move through my life as usual, but the emotional stress of the situation seems to cast a shadow over everything--I am almost obsessing over what I should do, what I would say in various hypothetical situations, what's been said already. How can I better cope with emotional stress?"

Answer: Emotional stress can be particularly painful and challenging to deal with. Part of the reason is that thinking about a solution, or discussing solutions with a good friend--coping behaviors that are often useful and effective in solving problems--can easily deteriorate into rumination and co-rumination, which are not so useful and effective. (Read more about the negative effects of rumination.)

Relationship stress carries a heavy toll on our emotional lives and creates strong emotional responses because our relationships can greatly impact our lives--for better or for worse. Healthy relationships can not only bring good times, but resources in times of need, added resilience in times of stress, and even increased longevity (see this article for more on social support). However, conflicted relationships and 'frenemies' can make us worse off in our emotional lives, and can even take a toll physically.

Relationships aren't the only cause of emotional stress, however. A financial crises, an unpleasant work environment, or a host of other stressors can cause emotional stress, which sometimes tempts us toward unhealthy coping behaviors in order to escape the pain, especially when the situations seem hopeless.

Fortunately, while you can't always fix these situations overnight, you can lessen the emotional stress you feel, and the emotional toll this stress takes on you. Here are some exercises you can try to effectively cope with emotional stress:

Feel The Stress Physically.

When we feel emotional stress, it's also often experienced as physical pain: a 'heavy' feeling in the chest, an unsettled feeling in the stomach, a dull headache. It's common to try to escape these feelings, but it can actually be helpful to go deeper into the experience and use mindfulness to really notice where these emotional responses are felt physically. Some people notice that the pain seems more intense before dissipating, but then they feel the emotional and physical pain is lessened. What happens when you try it?