Empathy and Compassion

It might seem counterintuitive that empathy, which includes attending to others’ struggles, would help us with our own struggles, particularly as caregivers. But research on social workers shows that having more empathy can also prevent burnout. Brain-imaging research by Tania Singer suggests that compassion training can actually make you better at coping with other people’s suffering — helping you to help others without paying the cost yourself.

One potential explanation is that by developing feelings like compassion and empathy, we protect ourselves from feeling distressed or overwhelmed in the face of suffering. When you truly connect with another person who is suffering, you can actually feel empowered and energized, because you are inspired to feel compassion and empathy for that individual. Your worries stop as you become immersed in the goal to be there for another.

We’ve all had the experience of having a friend ask for help during a time of emergency. In these moments, we are usually capable of so much more than we imagined — we seem to find hidden reserves of energy. Afterward, we end up feeling much better than we did before.

Again, loving-kindness meditation is one way to start cultivating empathy. When you speak with someone who is suffering, practicing active listening can help you provide comfort and support to them without having to solve their problems.

The Benefits of Giving

If we can figure out how to continue giving to others without suffering from burnout, we can expect to reap many benefits.

For example, volunteering can have a positive impact on health, with benefits for obesity, blood glucose, blood pressure, and longevity. Older volunteers can derive a great feeling of purpose and self-esteem from volunteering; research shows that it makes them feel happier, more connected to others, and more confident of their self-worth. The benefits of volunteering for well-being also seem to be universal, holding across cultures as well as generations.

Other studies have found that we’re happier when we spend money on others, and that we experience more positive emotions when we engage in acts of kindness for others, rather than ourselves. As a researcher of happiness who has written a book on the topic, I can attest to the many studies written on the topic.

If you are shy or introverted or even have social anxiety, giving to others can still increase your happiness. Although giving tends to feel better when we connect with beneficiaries directly, even kind acts conducted over the computer can increase well-being. Finally, as Adam Grant has shown in his book Give & Take, being a giver also leads to greater professional success.

Self-compassion, social connection, and empathy are powerful forms of self-care — but that doesn’t mean that traditional self-care activities have no place in our lives. Keeping your spirits up with exercise, sleeping in, and making room for fun activities like movies or shopping are important. These pleasures give us short bursts of happiness that can help fuel us and keep us playful. To complement these more physical pleasures, however, giving and connecting with others in positive ways will bring us long-lasting feelings of joy that come from a life of purpose and meaning. The balance between the two is a recipe for a happy, long, and fulfilling life.

For more on this topic, see The Happiness Track (HarperOne, 2016), now out in paperback.