How to Give to Others Without Burning Out

ARTICLE 12

 

How to Give to Others Without Burning Out

Instead of burning out, you'll feel nourished and uplifted.

Source: pathdoc/Shutterstock

In our over-stressed world, many health care providers, social workers, and caregivers are suffering slow yet painful burnout. Many of the rest of us, working long hours and raising families, seem to be approaching burnout, too. Sometimes we may feel that we’re too exhausted to keep giving to others, even though giving is a primary source of happiness in our lives.

So how can we keep giving without burning out? We’re told that self-care is the answer: Give yourself a treat; you deserve it. Take some time for yourself. Say no. Indeed, a research review found that psychologists in training who practice more self-care report feeling less distressed, less stressed, and more satisfied with life. The question is: What does self-care look like, and how much do we need?

As it turns out, the trick is to be other-focused and kind, and to balance that with taking care of yourself as well. Here are some practices to help you do that:

 

Self-compassion

One particularly potent form of self-care involves transforming our relationship with ourselves — in particular, practicing self-compassion.

Self-compassion is treating yourself as you would a friend — with kindness rather than judgment — especially at times when you fail. Self-compassion is remembering that we all make mistakes, instead of beating ourselves up. And it means being mindful of emotions and thoughts without getting overly immersed in them. Self-compassion doesn’t mean being indulgent or letting yourself off the hook, but it also doesn’t mean being overly self-critical and harsh.

Elaine Beaumont of the University of Salford has conducted numerous studies on the impact of self-compassion on burnout and compassion fatigue. In a study of 100 student midwives — who routinely see both the miracle of new life as well as the tragedies that can accompany childbirth — Beaumont and her team found that midwives who had higher levels of self-compassion showed less burnout and fewer symptoms of compassion fatigue. The opposite was true of midwives who were highly self-critical. She repeated this study with different caretaker professions and found similar results in nurses and students training to be counselors and psychotherapists.

In addition to being protected against burnout, people who are more self-compassionate tend to report feeling less stress and negative emotions. They’re also more optimistic and feel more happiness and other positive emotions, among other benefits.

To practice, you can try some of the exercises that pioneering self-compassion researcher Kristin Neff has written about in her book, such as writing a self-compassionate letter, taking a self-compassionate break, or just asking yourself: How would I treat a friend in this situation?

Social Connection

Caring for ourselves also includes seeking social connections who can provide us with practical and emotional support when we’re struggling. A study of nurses found that belonging to a more cohesive group at work helps to prevent burnout and compassion fatigue, reducing the effects of stress and trauma.

This should come as no surprise: Social connection, from birth to old age, is one of our greatest human needs. It leads to lower rates of anxiety and depression, strengthens our immune system, and can even lengthen our life.

Researchers agree that social connection has less to do with the number of friends you have than with how connected you feel subjectively, on the inside. In other words, you don’t have to be a social butterfly to reap the benefits; just aim to cultivate an internal sense of belonging with those around you.

The tricky part is that stress is linked to self-focus; the stressed mind turns turn towards me, myself, and I — making us even more miserable and disconnected from others. Meditation, yoga, breathing exercises, and walks in nature, as well as curbing caffeine, can all help us calm down and feel ready to reach out to others. A study we conducted at Stanford showed that loving-kindness meditation can be a quick way to nurture a sense of connection. Better yet, try meditating with a partner!