TECH SUPPORT: Hi, Secretary Clinton? I’m Liz, from tech support. Your assistant said that you needed help getting Outlook on your phone?
SECRETARY OF STATE HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON: Oh, hi. Great. Come on in.
TECH: This shouldn’t take too long. Are you working on a Blackberry or an iPhone?
CLINTON: God, who knows. I have so many devices these days.
TECH: Really? How many?
C.: Two.
T.: That shouldn’t be a problem. So let’s get Outlook fired up here. O.K. Hmm. It looks like you haven’t set up an account yet?
C.: I’ve been using my hdr22@clintonemail.com address.
T.: Most State Department employees prefer to use a state.gov address.
C.: I don’t know that I would describe my role here as “employee.”
T.: Right. Well, it’s sort of a best-practice thing. We can make sure that all your correspondence is secure this way, and it’ll make it easier to comply with FOIA requests.
C.: Why would there be a FOIA request?
T.: You’re right. There won’t be. But I like to say you can never be too careful.
C.: I guess. Liz, between you and me, I’m not really a big e-mailer. I pretty much only use it for stuff like planning Chelsea’s wedding and chatting with my yoga instructor about whether we should impose sanctions on Iran.
T.: It’s still good to get this set up. Go ahead and connect your device to the computer.
C.:…
T.: You can use that U.S.B. portal.
C.:…
T.: Here, it’s just this cord. O.K., I’m noticing that you have a lot of documents just saved to your desktop. It’s really safer to save them directly on the State Department server.
C.: I’ll be sure to do that.
T.: That way they’re password-protected. And again, FOIA.
C.: I’m less worried about that than you are.
T.: You’re the boss! O.K., next go to “Settings.”
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C.:…
T.: It looks like a little gear symbol.
C.: Oh! There it is.
T.: Then to go to “General.”
C.:…
T.:…
C.:…
T.: It’s down next to–
C.: I got it, all right? Jesus.
T.: Follow the prompt for e-mail.
C.: I’m not seeing it.
T.: It’s right there next–
C.: Please don’t point. I’ll never learn that way.
T.: O.K., sorry. Keep scrolling.
C.: Is it under Bluetooth? What is Bluetooth?
T.: No, it’s–
C.: Do I need to be in Dropbox?
T.: What? No. Just click e-mail.
C.: Got it!
T.: Great. Let’s get you rolling with a username and a password. Feel free to really be creative here. Some people use their pets’ names, or the name of their high school.
C.: How about just “password”?
T.: That’s sort of not ideal.
C.: O.K., how about “Benghazi”?
T.: Perfect. It’s hard to spell and it doesn’t have any special significance.
C.: So I’m done?
T.: Not quite, but we’re close. Now input your username and password.
C.: I am. It’s not accepting “Benghazi.”
T.: Hmm. That’s O.K. This is a known issue. Let’s try “retrieve password.”
C.: I’m hitting it but nothing’s happening.
T.: Do you mind if I take over?
C.: Fine. But I won’t learn.
T.: Here’s the problem. It needs a number. Can we do a different password? Maybe “MrsPrez16”? That’s good, right?
C.: That’s terrible, but I don’t care.
T.: Hey, Madam Secretary, I get that this is frustrating. Believe me. Just remember that we’re on the same team here.
C.: Sorry. UGH. I put in “MrsPrez16” and it’s rejecting that too!
T.: You know, it’s probably because you’re not using a trusted wifi network. O.K., go back to Settings.
C.: You know what, I’m just going to stick with my personal account. No one is going to care.
T.: You’re probably right. Honestly, this system is so clunky; I’ve been forwarding stuff to my Gmail since 2006.
C.: Can you get me set up with a Gmail?
T.: I’m really not supposed to.
C.: Fine. But while you’re here, could you help me change my Facebook picture? I want to use this one.
T.: Oh, nice! You look so badass texting while wearing sunglasses.
C.: I know.
T.: Meme alert!
C.: Right.
T.: Girl, I’ll probably make that my profile picture, too. Or at least my Twitter avatar.
C.: Please don’t call me “girl.”
T.: It just makes you look like such a tech-savvy, feminist icon.
C.: I am that.
T.: Totally. O.K., here you go. It’s all set. And don’t worry about the e-mail thing.